Mocking the American political landscape really doesn’t take any effort any more. So on this night, looking back on Inauguration Day, allow me to do my best Jon Stewart impression:
[1] The religious right is clearly trying its hardest to become a complete parody of itself. What cultural entity is a grave threat to family values? SpongeBob SquarePants. Sure. Honestly, the way these people talk, gays are not only vultures circling overhead to pick at our decaying society, but superhumanly intelligent ones with hypnotic powers. Closed-minded Christians (which is *not* all Christians — don’t deluge me with venomous comments) always point to outside influences as a constant threat. Observation: about 90% of America is at least culturally Christian. Get a mirror, guys. The enemy isn’t committed gay couples. It’s philandering, lying businessmen who come to church on Sundays to remove that slight scintilla of guilt they might accidentally feel. (Needless to say, I ain’t up for a Kiwanis membership.)
[2] This article, from CNN, is absolutely classic. They did a poll, based on the infamous “uniter, not a divider” phrase from the president’s first campaign. 49% thought Bush was a uniter; 49% thought he was a divider. Blind partisanship at its finest, folks. I’m so tired of the constant shrillness from each side. I swear, I’ll pay the media to get some independent thinkers who won’t just spout talking points. Libertarians, populists, socialists, mental patients — anything. Please. I’m glad I’m overseas and without a television so I don’t have to deal with things like Hannity and Colmes, a.k.a. the Bipartisan Intellectual Dishonesty Hour. (Aside from a few shows *cough Veronica Mars cough*, I’m surprised by the degree to which I haven’t missed TV. The Internet is a wonderful thing.)
[3] Speaking of polls … remember how all the exit polls that came out on Election Day afternoon that said Kerry was gonna win in a landslide? Turns out that a bunch of twentysomethings asking the questions … asked a bunch of twentysomethings who they voted for. Any walk around a college campus tells you that the 18-29 bracket votes Democrat by a wide margin. Isn’t this something incredibly obvious that someone should have caught? Not to go off the deep end with a crazy conspiracy theory, but this can’t be a total fluke.
To rewrite Janis Joplin a bit: Freedom’s just another word for bein’ forced to choose. (Unless you vote Libertarian and throw your vote away like I did.)
