A post from Reason Hit & Run points me to a disturbing press release from Rep. Jim Leach (R-IA). Meanwhile, I’ve made a few strategic edits that reveal the truth:
“In its last act before adjourning, Congress enacted Bill Frist blackmailed his fellow legislators into passing the Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act. (Hey, at least they admit the bill was unlawful. Wait … you say that’s not what they meant? — ed.) Passage of the measure, which is designed to stem the growth of gambling on the Internet, caps a multi-year effort by Congressman Jim Leach to protect American families from themselves, the idiots that we think they are.
While Internet gambling has been illegal since its inception, the government has had no way to enforce applicable state and federal law. (And that’s stopped you before? — ed.) The Leach bill makes it illegal for financial institutions and credit card companies to process payments for settling Internet gambling wagers and creates new criminal penalties for Internet gambling businesses. Companion legislation was offered in the Senate by Jon Kyl of Arizona.
“It is extraordinary how many American families have been touched by large losses from Internet gambling,” Leach said. “As a professor of business at the University of Illinois has noted, the Internet is ‘crack cocaine’ for gamblers, in that you snort your losses through the Internet’s series of tubes. ‘There are no needle marks,’ he says. ‘There is no alcohol on the breath. You just click the mouse and lose your house.’” (I mean, man, I know what he’s talking about, all those people who put money in NCAA tournament pools staggering around, shivering, asking if anyone’s got a quarter … or a line on the Jets game this weekend. — ed.)
Researchers have called gambling online addictive. Players attest to becoming obsessed with it. According to a study by the Annenberg Public Policy Center, nearly 10 percent of college students gambled online last year. (Only ten? — ed.) The number of college males who reported gambling online once a week quadrupled in the last year alone. At that rate, over 300% of fraternity members will be gambling online by 2009.
“Internet gambling’s characteristics are unique. Never has it been so easy to lose so much money so quickly at such a young age. The casino is in effect brought to the home, office and college dorm. Children may play without verification (not true — ed.), and betting with a credit card can undercut a player’s perception of the value of cash, which too easily leads to bankruptcy and crime. Unlike buying lottery tickets, which are completely consequence free. By the way, the Powerball jackpot is up to $63 million. Play the Iowa Lottery — you too could win!
“In my old hometown of Davenport this past summer, two young men from middle-class families who attended college in Iowa got so far behind in their Internet gambling losses that they decided to rob a series of homes. From one they took cigars and golf clubs but were thoughtful enough not to pinch the Heisman trophy in the bookcase. They were caught when they advertised Johnny Lujack’s golf clubs online. Now these young men face the prospect of prison rather than graduation. And naturally, one example always exemplifies a trend. ALWAYS.
“The reason the NCAA, NFL, NBA, MBA (the what? — ed.) and NHL support this legislation is that they are concerned with the integrity of the games and public relations. The reason the religious community – from Baptists and Methodists to Muslims – has rallied to this cause is because it is concerned for the unity of the American family. Internet gambling is not a subject touched upon in the Old or New Testament or the Koran. (Are you sure? I guess my Gospel of Luke is different from yours: “Yea, and the Lord said, thou shalt not use thine mouse to take the points.” — ed.) But the pastoral function is one of dealing with families in difficulty and religious leaders of all denominations and faiths are seeing gambling problems erode family values.
“What’s more, Internet gambling is a national security concern because it can be used to launder money, evade taxes and finance criminal and terrorist activities. Banning Internet gambling to push it underground is obviously better than regulating it and keeping track of the money ourselves. It’s science.
“If Congress had not acted, gamblers would soon be able to place bets not just from home computers, but from their cell phones while they drive home from work or their Blackberries as they wait in line at the movies, as opposed to calling their bookies using … their cell phones. Damn, now we’ve got to ban cell phones!
“Unlike brick-and-mortar casinos in the United States, where legal protections for bettors exist and where there are some compensatory social benefit in jobs and tax revenues and where executives have contributed hundreds of thousands of dollars to our campaigns, Internet gambling sites principally yield only liabilities to America and to Americans.
“Some have suggested that there is no call (Who made that call? Was it in response to a raise? We’ve got to start an investigation! — ed.) to rein in the activities of individual choice. But misjudgments affect society as a whole. There is nothing in Internet gambling that adds to the GDP or makes America more competitive in the world. (That’s the standard for what we’re allowed to do now?! — ed.) Indeed, if an individual cannot repay his or her credit card debts, neighbors will be subject to higher interest rates. Everyone loses if this industry continues its remarkable growth trends. Y’know, except for that guy who would have hit a straight flush on the river, that smug bastard.”
The Treasury Department and the Federal Reserve Board will jointly develop implementing rules for the Act with Bill Frist and myself pointing a gun to their heads, and financial institutions have nine months to adapt to the sophisticated new obligations.”
Idiots. You’re all idiots.
