Monday March 31, 2008

First pitch at Progressive Field is 3:05 pm. And ladies and gentlemen, I’m done waiting ’til next year. It’s been six decades since the Tribe’s last title. Sabathia’s in his contract year, so if they’re going to get it done with this group, this is their best chance. And damn it, with a lot of people assuming that the Murderer’s Row assembled up in Detroit will dominate the division … well, here’s how it breaks down:

AL East: Boston, New York, Tampa Bay, Toronto, Baltimore
AL Central: Cleveland, Detroit, Kansas City, Chicago, Minnesota
AL West: Seattle, Los Angeles of Anaheim, Oakland, Texas
(Detroit def New York in one-game WC playoff)

NL East: New York, Philadelphia, Atlanta, Washington, Florida/Miami
NL Central: Chicago, Milwaukee, St Louis, Houston, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati
NL West: Colorado, Arizona, San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco
(Philly def Milwaukee in one-game WC playoff)

ALDS: Cleveland def Seattle in 4 games, Boston def Detroit in 4 games
NLDS: Colorado def NY in 3 games, Chicago def Philly in 5 games

ALCS: Cleveland defeats Boston in 7 games*
NLCS: Chicago defeats Colorado in 5 games

WS: Cleveland defeats Chicago in 5 games

(* = hahahahahahahaha. Take that, Tessie.)

Grady Sizemore wins the regular season MVP award, while Fausto Carmona takes the World Series award. Cleveland rioters torch their rusted-out shell of a city in a crazed victory celebration, an unending era of democracy and peace and prosperity spread all across the globe, and Clarence (angel, second-class) gets his wings. Or something.

Thursday March 27, 2008

It’s a clique war in Mexico. Damn it, don’t make us come down there. Lou Dobbs has a militia ready to go. From Reason magazine:

In recent weeks, a wave of emo bashings has swept across Mexico, several news agencies have reported, fuelled by punks, rockabillies, goths, metalheads and basically anyone who’s not emo.

According to Daniel Hernandez, who’s been covering the anti-emo riots on his blog Intersections, the violence began March 7, when an estimated 800 young people poured into the Mexican city of Queretaro’s main plaza “hunting” for emo kids to pummel. Then the following weekend similar violence occurred in Mexico City at the Glorieta de Insurgents, a central gathering space for emos. Hernandez also reports that several anti-emo riots have now also spread to various other Mexican cities. Via the Austin American-Statesman, several postings on Mexican social-networking sites, primarily organising spot for these “emo hunts,”      have been dug up and translated. One states: “I HATE EMOS!!! They are not even people, they are so stupid, they cry over meaningless things… My school is infested with them, I want to kill them all!”…

More recent reports state that the emos have begun to fight back against the other “urban tribes” and organised marches in Guadalajara and Mexico City, escalating the violence and leading to increased police presence.

Marginalized teenagers of Mexico, don’t you see what’s happening? The preppy popular kids are plotting you against each other to destroy your respective subcultures once and for all, using the means of production to bury your way of life in a sea of top 40 music. You must rise up against your overlords, comrades. You must fight not only for yourselves, but for your children, and your children’s children, and their right to baffle and frighten society with their chosen modes of self-expression! To the ramparts, for liberty, one and all!  ¡Viva la revolución!

Wednesday March 26, 2008

“Victor Emmer, 49, was arrested March 13 on suspicion of loitering where children gather…. Bail in the case is set at $100,000.”

Okay, so he looked creepy and was talking to children in public places. At last check, however, that was not felonious activity. There are only 4000 abductions of children by nonrelatives nationally in an average year, of which only 300 are total strangers. The odds are quite literally one in a million. So can someone explain to me why our society is becoming built around this fear? Oh, yeah. Stupid people watch the news.

Tuesday March 18, 2008

You should probably read this Newsweek story in the voice of Bill O’Reilly for full effect.

The teens call their public orgies ponceo. On a typical Friday afternoon in the Chilean capital of Santiago, hundreds gather in a leafy urban park for a few hours of sexual experimentation. Surrounded by passing strollers, they trade partners multiple times—mostly engaging in anonymous rounds of oral sex. When the party is over, no contact information is exchanged. Same-gender interactions are commonplace, as the lines between hetero- and homosexuality are blurred, partly by the alcohol and drugs consumed, but also by shifting social mores held by Chilean youth, in contrast to their conservative parents. “Ponceo is about having fun,” says Natalia Fernandez, a 15-year-old with pink hair and a pierced chin. “This time I had seven partners.”

Fernandez, like many others in the park, is wearing an anime T-shirt. Drawing inspiration from Japanese anime culture, the teens refer to themselves as “Pokemones.” Their behavior, though, doesn’t quite resemble that of the cartoon characters that once obsessed young TV watchers around the world. “It’s shameless,” says Gina Mazzini Aliste, a middle-aged woman in the park that day. “They act like ponceo is a competitive sport.”

Not surprisingly, the Pokemones have become the subject of a national debate in the media, as the conservative Catholic society grapples with this new affront to its traditional values. In a country where abortion is banned and divorce was legalized only a few years ago, and where the specter of Augusto Pinochet’s authoritarian regime still hovers over political discourse, the Pokemones are at once radical and inevitable. Radical because they are shocking Chilean society to its core. Inevitable because they are darlings of a booming neoliberal economy, which has provided them with all the material accoutrements necessary to be Pokemones. Yet along with sexual rebellion, these teens are also defined by their consumerism, a characteristic that neatly conforms to Chile’s free-market ideals.

And it goes on from there. An interesting read, all in all. Now to book a ticket to Santiago …

Tuesday March 18, 2008

And the pictures of it (three baseball games and some random Orlando-area sights) are here.

Meanwhile, how has a story about sadist lesbian vampire killers NOT been on cable news?

And I think this is the source of the problem: Bush seems to think the Army is the Boy Scouts.

Last, naturally, I have to tell you how I’ve filled out my bracket (guaranteed only to be wrong):

East 2nd Round: UNC def. Ark, WSU def. G. Mason, Louisville def. St Joe’s, Butler def. Tenn.
Midwest 2nd Round: Kent def. KU, Clemson def. Vandy, Wisc def. KSU, Davidson def. G’town
South 2nd Round: Mem def. MSU, Pitt def. Mich. St., Stanford def. UK, Texas def. St. Mary’s
West 2nd Round: UCLA def. BYU, Drake def. USD, Xavier def. Baylor, Duke def. W. Virginia

Regional Finals: UNC def. Butler, Wisc. def. Clemson, Texas def. Memphis, Xavier def. Drake

And in the title game … my alma mater takes it home in a track meet final. UNC 91, Texas 87.

Wednesday March 12, 2008

 ”[T]he U.S. intelligence community is working to develop software that will detect violent extremists infiltrating World of Warcraft and other massive multiplayer games, according to a data-mining report from the Director of National Intelligence.”

No, seriously.

Anyway, I’m in Florida soaking up some rays and dropping in on Indians spring training. I’ll be back late tomorrow night. Pix to come …

Friday March 7, 2008

WASHINGTON—An alarming new study conducted by the Department of Education has found that 60 percent of all Americans are unable to locate the major retail outlet Payless Shoes when presented with an ordinary shopping-center map.

The study, which surveyed 200 consumers, has raised a number of troubling questions about the public’s grasp of basic mall geography, its ability to identify key regional chains, and its awareness of the diverse brands and logos that make up today’s world.

“Not only did a majority of Americans fail to find Payless Shoes on the map, but, more disturbingly, many didn’t even know which floor to look on,” said Dr. Howard Saunders, a cultural studies professor and the study’s lead researcher. “To see countless men and women point to the outline of a parking garage and call it the largest footwear retailer on earth—well, it makes you wonder about our priorities as a society.”

And then there’s this because, if stupid government regulation and Veronica Mars are combined in a single clip, it must be shown here:

Tuesday March 4, 2008

(1) Teacher rating websites have been ruled illegal in France.

(2) Jonathan Turley defines Mukasey’s Paradox: “[L]awyers cannot commit crimes when they act under the orders of a president — and a president cannot commit a crime when he acts under advice of lawyers.” Turley calls it “twisted perfection.” I have some more profane words.

(3) Brett Favre retires. Step away from the ledge, Wisconsin.

(4) It’s election night in Ohio, Rhode Island, Texas, and Vermont. Seems like Hillary may actually take all but Vermont, but by such close margins that the byzantine rules in the Lone Star State will mean that Obama actually takes more pledged delegates. Naturally, she’ll refuse to leave gracefully despite having no chance (outside of a convention-floor highway robbery).