Tuesday May 27, 2008

And then there’s this, which surprisingly is (a) from over a year ago and (b) was funny and on SNL.

Friday May 16, 2008

First off, a spectacular implementation of absurdist humor here.

And then … well, this is hilarious because it’s so cuttingly true …

Friday May 16, 2008

A column on MSNBC finally speaks truth to idiocy: Please stop creating a portmanteau for every “new” trend in travel and vacations.

Also, one of the things that gets me all homicidal every few years: Reauthorization of the farm bill. It’s already bad enough to subsidize our agricultural goods to the hilt, considering that it costs an obscene amount of money ($307 billion over five years!), completely distorts any semblance of a free market, keeps the Third World poor by making it next to impossible for nations that have a natural comparative advantage to compete, and defies pretty much every free trade agreement we’ve ever signed. But this time around, with commodities prices skyrocketing and bloody food riots across the world, God forbid we stop handing out subsidies for products that are selling at record highs to prevent people from starving to death. President Bush is amazingly threatening a veto — sure, NOW he decides to start being competent! — but Congress has veto-proof supermajorities to ensure that this atrocity will become law. What’s more, legislators are indignant at the president’s opposition and manage to wrap themselves in the flag while pushing our country that much closer to fiscal apocalypse. Good times.

Friday May 9, 2008

From more than four years ago … it certainly seems like the time to link back to my rant on America’s obsession with gas prices.

Wednesday May 7, 2008

Let this sink in: Hillary Rodham Clinton, the woman that was by far the odds-on favorite to become the 44th President of the United States, has actually been ousted. (We could cue up “Ding, Dong, The Witch Is Dead,” but that seems to be a bit too harsh, even for that opportunist.) Sure, she barely squeaked out Indiana, but she’s now running a Potemkin campaign to fundraise her way out of the $11.4 million in loans she made to herself to keep the Titanic from sinking before now. She also doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of picking up enough delegates to win without resorting to developing a new branch of mathematics or flipping some kill switch that would destroy her entire party. Hence, after over a year since the first primary debate … we have our nominees. So with six months to Election Day, let’s break this thing down:

McCain Locks (21 states, 163 EVs): AK, AL, AR, AZ, GA, ID, KS, KY, LA, MS, MT, ND, NE, OK, SC, SD, TN, TX, UT, WV, WY
Obama Locks (12 states, 172 EVs): CA, CT, HI, IL, MA, MD, ME, NY, OR, RI, VT, WA + DC

Leans McCain (6 states, 77 EVs): CO, FL, IN, MO, NC, NH
Leans Obama (6 states, 62 EVs): DE, IA, MI, MN, NJ, WI

McCain: 163 + 77 = 240 likely electoral votes
Obama: 172 + 62 = 234 likely electoral votes

That leaves five swing states with 64 electoral votes: Nevada (5), New Mexico (5), Ohio (20), Pennsylvania (21), and Virginia (13). Here is why we needed to know who the Democratic nominee was: Clinton would have both Ohio and Pennsylvania in her column by default, but would have to work for the upper Midwest and the Pacific Northwest. She also wouldn’t have a prayer in VA but would’ve put FL in play. If they split the desert states, it comes down to a simple two out of three. And if I had to wager, Obama will squeak it out in Pennsylvania and the GOP will manage to hold Virginia for one more election cycle … which means … oh no.

Yes, it’s coming down to Ohio. Again. And really, I didn’t think there would be any question that the Democrats would win my “home” “state.” The GOP was almost entirely swept out of statewide office in 2006, besieged by scandal and incompetence. Funny story, though, since the Democrats have been besieged by … scandal and incompetence. Also, as we all saw, Obama goes over with Ohio’s rank-and-file Democrats about as well as a union-busting corporate tax break. Fact of the matter is, Obama is way over the head of most people in the Buckeye State. And McCain is exactly the right candidate for the GOP to be running there, the sort of guy that appeals greatly to Reagan Dems: a war hero that’s not an evangelical and takes up (some) progressive positions.

The idea that this election may well also come down to a coin flip in Ohio is amazing, considering all that has happened in the intervening years and the absurdly low job approval ratings of the current president. Note, however, that there is a very wide margin of uncertainty. Either candidate could pile up 350+ electoral votes. But they probably won’t, because this is America, and what would this country be without some sort of cutthroat down-to-the-wire election? Keep your hotel rooms open in November, Ohio.

Friday May 2, 2008

The secondary piece is what sells it.